When I was young, I distinctly remember my father always writing in a leather bounded tome before he sleeps. Later I found out it’s his daily journal; he often took notes on almost anything that happens that day, and as the years pass, so does the growth of his archive. Thirty leather bounded notes down, he has achieved a perfect memory, provided he could get to the tomes. I have recently asked him why, and his reasoning was simple: habit. He made it a habit to write for an audience of one, and as a result, I think he gained the immeasurable gift of never leaving anything behind. He effectively created a paper twin of himself, a paper twin that will outlive his flesh and form a part of his legacy, and in a way, is that not a beautiful thing?

(As an aside, he also documented his learnings, mostly financial, and supplemented it with newspaper clippings. My dad’s a late boomer, if that not obvious by now. I think in that regard it really helped him formulate his philosophy on money and finance, and it allowed him to really grow as an investor. I think growing one’s view on one’s finance is the most important growth. Just because in our godforsaken capitalist-y hell-scape, if you want to be comfortable, you have to somewhat play by the rules. And formulating your own thoughts and philosophy on this matter is probably the most import. No one can tell you how to invest, you have to seek it out yourself. So the sensual emotional things aside, it served great utility.)

As I creep towards my thirties, I realised I don’t remember anything. Not in the sense that I am absent minded and forget major things (though I am definitely not immune to occasional slips), but in the sense that I don’t exactly remember my thoughts and feelings about things I have consumed. Take this as a mild but possibly way too nerdy example: a movie series that spanned my existence was Neon Genesis Evangelion. I first watched the original anime when I was 15, 15 years ago. Rebuild started in 2007, ending in 2021, spanning 14 years. How did I feel about Rebuild the first time round? Did I “get” rebuild 3? when did I exactly watch end of Eva? Was Asuka always > Rei? Yes It’s almost a shame this is not something I can ever look back and verify, as all I have is my current thoughts.

One thing going to Uni did to me beyond getting me the basic credentials to make a living sitting down and giving me the ability to tell perspective employers that I am not entirely a moron is giving me time to explore and develop my taste, I think I largely developed my taste and aesthetic during those years, free from the restraints of how I grew up, and influences from my past. And I think there is no more important development to a person than taste; afterall taste is what dictates one’s aesthetic, one’s philosophy.

But obviously it’s beyond just silly robot animes or insert current thing I like. Looking back in more professional decisions, why did I quit 6 years ago from a corporate job? To jump to another corporate job, but I digress, What was my reasoning to get into data science? How did I start learning? What did I do to start learning? What did I care about then? I surely can offer explanations and answers now, but it’s different. I am removed from the moment, and any answer I give now will be gaslighted by my current biases, my current obsessions. I think to truly develop ideas, I will need to be able compare my past and my present to better inform my future. and without a window to my past, I might just be spinning my wheels, and in a way, the thought of being endlessly on an intellectual hamster wheel is horrifying. I think even if I am perfectly regular, I can and should hold myself to a higher standard.

In a strange, time-loopy way, there is no better teacher than your past self. Memory recall is interesting, in the way that I think there are three main ways to recall things: free recall, rife with primacy and recency effects, cued recall, and serial recall. If I were to document learnings, readings and viewings, perhaps I can create a memory palace of sorts? If I were to document thoughts and assumptions, maybe that is something that can challenge my current self, or reinforce conviction I currently have against my past beliefs? Maybe it will not change a thing, but certainly not an uninteresting thing to explore.

And even beyond that there’s the personal. I can never know how I felt with redacted for privacy without the taint of current biases. And that’s a damn shame. I don’t think I want to ever forget or change the interpretation of any major life events anymore.

There are times I wished I wrote about things more. I never considered myself a good writer. And I was completely wrong. I am not a bad writer; I just never practised enough to be good. Not being good, or being scared to put things out is just an excuse. I write therefore I am.

I am writing this first post in the beginning of November, which I believe is the beginning of a big change in my life. Not to confess to the ether entirely, but I think it is time to provide needed change. No better time to add in a new twist in my process than when facing great uncertainty and great change, the best time to do this was yesterday, and the second best time is today.

I think I am going to actually start writing.

I think there are four main goals I want to achieve with this personal public diary.

1. I want a space to log my weekly readings.
2. I want to document how I feel about something.
3. I want a space to post longer project writings.
4. I want a digital space beyond social media.

So just to kick off a habit of writing and documenting the things I want to begin with for sure:

1. A daily journal offline. This journal entry (as best I can) is to review and note what I have learnt and read for the past week. It serves two main purposes, a pinboard of articles, papers, media I have come across that I definitely found interesting enough to note, but also a snapshot of my thoughts of what I have read. There are numerous studies regarding the “stickiness” of knowledge post writing, so I think even if its the most crude one liner regarding the post/article/paper, it will still be of benefit.
2. Writing something puclic every 2-3 weeks. I think it’s fun to document what I thought of things, movies, tv shows and such. This will function as a self-hosted Goodreads/Rotten Tomatoes, in all likelihood. I think having a place for notes on what I thought of what I consumed aligns well with how I actually think what reading/watching/consuming should really be: being a active participator of the consumption through thought and documentation instead of just an observer. It’s also fun to read dumb posts about why camping with your friends at the end of space and time is the most touching thing I have done all year.
3. A place to host longer form things. Effectively, project write ups for myself. If I do any kind of projects, be it a physical one or a more ethereal one, this is (in conjunction with github and other storage services) is a great place to host this content. One direct example is: if I ever get back into kaggling, I will force myself to write projects and ideas up here for sure. If not, maybe my foray into raspberry PI smart-homing and 3d printing.
4. This is also a profile and a centralised place for all my NAMED social media. Mostly because I think self-hosting is the way to actually have your own content, but also, isn’t it a throwback to actually have a personal homepage? I will generate some posts for life updates or personal items, and they will go under “personal”. They may or may not be private.

And from here, onwards.